Is your child asking dad questions that you don’t have the answers for? Unfortunately, there is no phrase that would make this conversation easy for you. However, your child should know the circumstances that result in solo mothering. How? Let’s find out.
Understandably, being a solo mother isn’t easy and it probably wasn’t easy to choose solo motherhood. Some women become solo moms by chance, other planned pregnancy with a partner. Anyway, when you got pregnant, your life changed. The father of your child can appear in your life from time to time or completely forget about the child. Maybe he has another family and other kids now. Anyway, now you are fully responsible for your child.
If your child is asking dad questions and you feel anger, you should address this issue as soon as you can. Sit and write down everything that makes you so angry. Be honest with yourself and acknowledge all disappointments, regrets and other feelings you have. Then decide what to do with these notes. For some mothers, it is easier to burn them. Others keep them but don’t tell their children about it. And then there are mothers who share their feelings online. Just do what is best for you.
If you feel like you can’t manage, seek support from your family and friends or make an appointment with a health professional. After that, you will be prepared when your child starts asking questions.
Here Is How You Get Ready For the Talk
You should expect these questions to come when your kid is 4 or 5 years old. Younger kids don’t compare their family to other families but older kids start noticing other dads taking their kids home at day care or at neighborhood. And they watch cartoons, start reading books and analyze information they get from other sources.
When the time comes, say that it is totally normal to be a single mom and your family is as good as other families (or even better!) Acknowledging differences is important but your child should understand that your family is unique in order to develop positive attitude toward different family types. This way, you can teach your child to respect those who are different.
You don’t have to give in-depth explanations about what happened. Always remember that you’re talking to a child who doesn’t know much about intimacy and commitment. You can explain more when your kid grows older. However, you shouldn’t change the subject. Instead, you can ask the child what he/she thinks about it and adjust your answer accordingly. It will also help your child talk about his/her feelings.
And never lie to your child. Your child doesn’t have a father, and they won’t have trust in you as well if you make things up. Instead, try to answer in a positive way even if their dad doesn’t care about the child. When children feel neglect, they express anger and rage. Therefore, don’t say things that can hurt your child but don’t lie, either.
Think what will happen several years later. You need to be strong now in order to help your kid growth healthy and happy. Try to find ways to speak in a positive manner about their dad because everything you say about him influences the child and shapes their behavior. So, when your child asks the dad-question, think about his/her happiness. Sharp words are not for kid’s ears.
Are you a single mom? Have you already explained your child where their dad is? Share your stories and experience in the comment section!